• Holly: Look at the tiger, he's so fat he can't fit in there. I feel bad for him.
  • Brian: WHY? THE TIGER DOESN'T NEED TO BE ABLE TO LAY DOWN IN A TV STAND. IT'S NOT FOR CATS.
  • Holly: I have a gift certificate to use at RC Willey (furniture store) for $17, what can we get there for that?
  • Brian: Either a pirate ship or a dollhouse, even though they look the same. Probably the pirate ship.
  • Holly: What makes you think the cats subscribe to your idea of gender roles? And even if they do, what about Small Cat?
  • Brian: There's chick pirates
  • Brian: Small Cat can be a wench
Girls are gross. If I could choose to be gay, I probably would.
I need to go tend to the animals
I remember the girls code being a pain in the ass. Not worth the effort. Just like girls in real life. — While playing Bad News Baseball
  • Holly: We had to walk up all these stairs to get to this statue, Pope and I were having a heart attack and Elena was just running up the steps. I told her she wouldn't have to do all this walking in America.
  • Brian: Whatever, I still walk places. Not everyone is as big of a chode as you and Pope.
This plaza sucks. I don’t want to shop near a Kmart. I’d live in Pittsburgh if I wanted to do that.
What’s that coupon for? We have to buy some giant-ass 9 dollar popcorn to get a drink?
  • Brian: This (pad thai) is hard to eat
  • Holly: Why?
  • Brian: It's all tangled
  • Brian: This cat needs a beating
  • Holly: Well administer one I guess
  • Brian: He needs a subscription to Tiger Beat magazine